if only i could text you this smell
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
