One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
Randomize
