FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
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