I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
Randomize
