coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
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