Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
