remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
Randomize
