Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
that's an acceptable place to lick
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
Do you have feelings for this penis?
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
Randomize
