I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
They have beer where we have blood.
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
