Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Randomize
