i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
it's like iHOP with fire
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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