shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Randomize
