dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
