someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
Randomize
