I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Randomize
