lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
