hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
Randomize
