I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
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