Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
Randomize
