why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
Randomize
