Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
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