Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
It's rum buckets o'clock
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
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