I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
Randomize
