yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
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