non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
Randomize
