So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
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