Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
Randomize
