I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
Randomize
