I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Randomize
