I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
Randomize
