Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize
