My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
