Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
Randomize
