I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
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