I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
Randomize
