just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
Randomize
