:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
We're not piercing ourselves today.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
Randomize
