It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
