I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
Randomize
