yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Randomize
