I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Randomize
