there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
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