I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
Randomize
