Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
Randomize
