dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
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