I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
Randomize
