How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
Randomize
