I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
My vagina is officially offended.
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
Randomize
