i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
Randomize
