actually, I'm a sock model
Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
Randomize
